looks like i jus wasted another 3 hrs, sittin' there tryin' to get things into my head. or probably.. listen to them test each other, might help me memorise the important points from there.
but i still failed. i'm so at lost. i dun even know when i haf to wear gloves. or tt we haf to check with staff nurse. all these extra info jus sorta come out from i dunno where... it's getting me more confused. cos i couldn't bring myself to ask and stuffs.
i was mean to fiq when he tried to cheer me up with the fries. i ignored rachael when she hugged me the first thing she came to the lib. i ignored shusian when she came and ask me wad's wrong in lect hall. i jus sorta ignored everybody when it was my fault, in the first place. okays... i'm guilty, angry and hurted. cos they cared. [probably in a wrong way, but they cared] I'M SORRY GUYS. Sorry rachael! i dunno y u said sorry to me when in mac. it's not ur fault. i tot i would cool down if i leave everyone alone. but keepin' things to myself made things worst. i was angry when i hear mazna tellin' yh all abt how she and izy studied tgt thru phone. when i'm all alone there, tryin' to figure shit out. but still it's my fault. SO SERVE ME RIGHT.
thinkin' abt skills made things worster than worst. i totally almost forgot how to do almost everything. didn't get to practise at all. ytd's study plan spoilt and stuffs. plus i'm all brain jammed. izy "bubbled" me, and studied with mazna instead. this hurts alot. I WAS SO FRIGGIN' ALONE. was tt such a huge mistake tt made everyone not talk to me, and not replyin' my msges and stuffs?? i didn't get to say wad i wanted to.. even till now... i didn't get a chance to defend myself. even till now.
that doesn't matter. i never thought tt there would be one day... that my bestfriend would totally ignore me. and not talk to me... and me not talkin' to her... it was hell lot of miserable.
if it was someone else.. it wouldn't hurt tt bad. "Don't talk to me!" mazna said during lect. this hurts a lil'.. but my bestie jus pulled someone off. straight after lect, talk to her all the way. and left me all alone behind there. this hurts even more. then i got no choice but to talk to the phone instead. and then tell me "i'm goin to my mum place" when we were at mrt platform, and jus go off. this hurted tt much, i got angry. i didn't murder anyone laa seyy...
and so many bloody clinical stuffs i still dun understand. and dunno who to ask. if i do fail on friday... then most likely i would haf to retest on monday. and sat, sun... mum say we would be goin to their frens chalet. then if i were to study fer clinical and bio pract and 2118 presentation. where the hell would i get the time. then if tt happens. if i fail the retest then how?? repeat the entire thing??
this is makin' me lose all hopes. makin' me feel so helpless. and becos of all these craps in my head. i cried 5 times already since ytd. and 3 times today. morning, when walkin' outta sch, while walkin' home. i have never felt this pathetic ever. i'm so shagged.
it's this 2 days i totally dun need a hp. cos no body bothers to msg or call.
to baby. i already saw the tags ytd. it's seeing the tags tt hurt even more. and i dunno wad to think. wad to say... u cancelled the plan fer nth? i couldn't study. cos i dunno how to. if i fail...wad the hell am i gonna do??
forget abt tt. i'm SORRY to u too. it's my fault.
anyways. ALL THE BEST TO U! and all.
thanks fiq and sila fer cheering me up. love snailos~
